


The Low Days Come, But They Will Pass

by cosmic_dumbass1



Series: Wakko Warner's Struggles of Finding Themself [2]
Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Animaniacs - Freeform, DOT - Freeform, Dot Warner - Freeform, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Good siblings, Mental Health Issues, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Wakko, Nonbinary Wakko Warner, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Supportive Siblings, This has a happy ending I promise, Yakko - Freeform, Yakko Warner - Freeform, breakdown - Freeform, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27963674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_dumbass1/pseuds/cosmic_dumbass1
Summary: Self-hatred and gender dysphoria hit Wakko like a wave, and they struggle to keep their head above water.
Relationships: Dot Warner & Wakko Warner & Yakko Warner
Series: Wakko Warner's Struggles of Finding Themself [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047949
Comments: 6
Kudos: 102





	The Low Days Come, But They Will Pass

**Author's Note:**

> TW!!/ fairly in depth description of self-harm
> 
> also, this is a second installment to my previous fic Gender is a Social Construct. you don't have to read it, but there are a couple things in here that may make more sense if you read the first part (:
> 
> i project on fictional characters, i'm very sorry  
> also, check out my art account on insta? @ l0ser_art

They were having another breakdown.

Wakko found themself in the bathroom again, the door locked as tears flowed down their face. They were careful to keep silent, but the sobs that wracked their body were a definite challenge to keep quiet. They were curled in the corner of the bathroom, behind where the door would open, and had been for a long while. They'd snuck out of the bedroom after having a severe spiral of self-deprecating thoughts as they laid wide awake in bed. This was the third time something like this had happened, but this time was the worst Wakko had experienced before.

Wakko just didn't understand. They didn't understand why they still felt severe dysphoria after coming out and buying stuff to make them feel more gender neutral. They didn't get why they still hated themself for being stupid and dumb since Yakko had been helping them work on a positive mindset. The help was nice, but it didn't do anything for Wakko when they got like this- a mess of self hatred and dysphoria. They were pathetic, crying their fucking guts out in the bathroom in the middle of the night because they couldn't accept themself. Things had been better after they came out- they felt free, like a weight they didn't know they had was lifted. The feeling didn't last more than a week, though, because Wakko was right back on the track they were before.

They were stupid, they were _so fucking stupid_.

Stupid for thinking the "positive mindset" crap would work. Stupid for thinking finding a label would make them feel better. Stupid for thinking their siblings _actually_ liked them. Wakko knew they didn't like them. The two of them were always going off and doing things by themselves, leaving Wakko behind in the water tower. And fuck, that hurt Wakko- the three of them had always stuck together, and now they were being left behind so the trio could become a duo. Wakko felt the disappointment and shame piling up in their stomach, a common occurrence during these breakdown sessions, and the more they thought, the worse it got. The feelings were overwhelming now, swirling around their body and they angrily slammed a fist into their thigh. It didn't hurt, didn't ground them, but they hit their thigh again. And again. And again.

It was never enough for them.

They kept hitting themself, focusing all their anger into their fist, slamming it into their thigh with the hope of it hurting, but getting the disappointment of little to no pain instead. Wakko let out a whimper, crying harder than before. They drowsily started to stand, quieting their sobs as they stumbled to the stepstool. They stood, ignoring their reflection to instead open the medicine cabinet. They grabbed a box of razor blades that Yakko had to shave with- who knows why he needed it- and fumbled with the opening. They eventually got it open and dumped the contents onto their paw. Wakko let out a sniffle as they poured all the blades but one back into the container, placing the box back into the cabinet. They stepped down from the stepstool and flopped onto the floor. They whined, tears falling in heavy amounts as they held the blade with their fingers. Wakko sniffed again, wiping at their eyes with the back of their free paw. It was of no use, and Wakko felt a fresh new wave of tears fall. It was getting overwhelming in their brain again, so overwhelming, and-

They slid the blade across their arm.

Wakko started bawling, quiet, but powerful, and cut across their skin again. The pain they felt from this was almost mesmerizing- even as they sat there sobbing, their subconscious was egging them on, enthralled by the rush of cutting. Wakko hated themself, _so fucking much_ for liking the feeling of this pain, for wanting to do more, the craving to cause more pain to themself, to see the blood drip out of fresh cuts- they inhaled and cut again. They cut deep, long lines into their inner forearm, still crying and still very much in their own world.

After a few seconds, Wakko lifted the blade from their arm and stared at their work- nine bloody cuts covered their right forearm, scattered but close, up towards where their sweater sleeves would cover. Their stomach lurched a bit at the sight, more guilt than disgust, and they slowly stood up, sniffling. They were coming back from their mental world, slowly but surely, and they carefully shuffled to the stepstool, running the blade under water from the sink. Wakko pulled their sleeves down to cover as much of their paws as it could, and they were satisfied with the length it covered. They stepped off the stool and unlocked the bathroom door, flipping off the light before gently closing the door and heading to their bedroom.

They tucked the razor blade in their pillow case, on the underside, and rested their head on top. Another sleepless night eventually greeted them.

\---

"Yakko! The remote is mine!"

Wakko woke to Dot's screeches and Yakko's laughter, loud and obnoxious as could be. Wakko was feeling extremely tired- they'd just woken up, but they were absolutely _drained_. They nuzzled their head further into their pillow, mostly unbothered by their siblings' yells until one of them slammed open the door. Wakko opened their eyes to glance, and found Dot standing in the frame.

"Wakko! Tell Yakko the remote is mine!" She whined, pointing into the living area. "It's _nobody's_ remote!" Yakko chimed in from who knows where.

"Please tell him who's right here!" Dot stopped and tilted her head to the side when Wakko didn't respond. "Waks, are you okay?" The middle Warner sibling nodded, letting out a muffled groan. "'m just tired."

"Alright, but if you don't come out and eat in 5 minutes, I'll be on your trail." Dot gave them a stern glare before she turned on her heel and walked out, closing the door behind her. Wakko sighed, then flopped onto their other side to lay down. They felt like absolute shit today- they didn't feel like getting up and doing anything, not even to eat. They weren't hungry. They shut their eyes and laid there.

\---

Yakko woke them up close to twenty minutes after Dot's warning. Wakko barely ate, only shoveling down a bowl of cereal and a plate of scrambled eggs before flopping onto the couch. They floated in and out of consciousness, hearing their siblings whispering or having conversations by using harsh, quiet tones of voice. They could honestly care less if Dot and Yakko were talking about them- they were so fucking tired that they couldn't even bring up a _hint_ of emotion that told them they should care.

Wakko got off the couch right before lunch, heading to the bathroom before returning to their bed. They checked to make sure the door was closed before they took a deep breath and gently pulled down the sleeve of their sweater. The cuts weren't a dream- they were on his arm still, an angry, puffy pink that stood out against their dark fur. Their stomach lurched again and they pulled their sleeve back over their paw. Wakko hated themself. And they didn't know why they felt so bad, either! It was frustrating to them that they felt all these emotions without being able to name a single one- how were they supposed to know what feeling was what? It was really draining but they couldn't sleep- they wanted to _do_ something but found themselves too tired to even try- a feeling in their stomach that made them feel like they were forgetting something- another feeling of hatred for themself- Wakko hated it all.

A light knock distracted Wakko from their thoughts, and they watched as Yakko entered their bedroom. "Hey there, Wakster. You feeling better?" Wakko shook their head as Yakko closed the door and climbed up to Wakko's bunk. "Well then, what's going on?" The middle Warner shrugged and tucked their face into the crook where their shoulder was. "I feel sick."

"Alright. Are you feeling sick like a stomach bug or sick like how you feel when you aren't feeling great because of dysphoria?" Yakko used a gentle tone, giving Wakko time to think of a response.

"A mix of both, I think. I don't feel good."

Yakko nodded. "Do you know why?"

Wakko sighed, taking a moment to think about what to say. They didn't want to _tell_ Yakko about the bigger picture details, like how much they didn't like themself or how uncomfortable they were sometimes, but they wanted _some_ kind of answer. "I- I think it's gender dysphoria. I think that's what started it. But I feel much worse now and I don't know why."

"It's normal to feel sick with gender dysphoria, you know. It definitely isn't uncommon. But, you can come play games or do something to keep your mind busy, and it might help distract you from the discomfort. Dot and I wanna play Twister, and you can definitely join us, Waks."

The middle Warner thanked their older brother for the help, and Yakko left with a gentle smile on his face and a reminder that Wakko was welcome to play games with them at any time. While Wakko appreciated the sentiment and kindness, they could not find the motivation to get up and go hang out with their siblings. They laid in bed for the remainder of the day, falling asleep at times, and only got up to eat dinner and use the bathroom.

\---

Dot was worried.

Wakko hadn't been themself for the past few weeks. They didn't eat often anymore, and when they did it was only a serving or two of something, rather than the who-knows-how-many servings they used to eat. Yakko noticed too, which Dot was grateful for, but neither of them really knew what to do about it. Yakko told her about how it went when he helped Wakko with learning about the gender spectrum and pronouns, and how he was able to help Wakko understand the gender dysphoria they felt sometimes. But they both agreed that this was different. Wakko didn't seem to be feeling the same as they did when they had when they unsure about their gender identity, and not like they got when they were hitting some lows that went along with their body insecurities. Yakko was certain it was unrelated to things he'd talked about with Wakko already, and Dot fully agreed.

It was a Saturday morning when she got some sort of an answer as to why Wakko was behaving so oddly. She'd been making pancakes, humming a tune to herself when Wakko came downstairs, mumbling a tired greeting. She was surprised they were up this early- or at all. Usually her older sibling waited until they had to use the bathroom or was about to die from hunger before coming out into the main area of the water tower. She didn't take the surprise for granted, though, and let Wakko lick the leftover batter from a mixing bowl when they asked. They sat on the counter next to her and watched her cook, providing little comments on funny animal shaped pancakes or a nice flip with the spatula. When breakfast was ready, Dot had Wakko grab them both plates, and they both plopped down into their seats in unison. Wakko grabbed a few pancakes from the tray first, and Dot quickly followed suit. She reached out for the syrup at the same time Wakko did, and they ended up in a mini game of tug and war.

"Wakko, I _made_ the pancakes, I should get to eat them first!"

"Well I already ate the batter first, so your reason doesn't matter!"

It went on like this for a bit, bickering and pulling on the bottle until Dot finally yanked it from Wakko's grasp. As she looked from the syrup in her hands to Wakko, a big smile on her face, splashes of color on Wakko's still outstretched arm caught her eye. "What's that?" She asked, looking up at Wakko now.

"What's what?"

"On your arm, what is it?"

A look of panic filled Wakko's face, and Dot watched as they frantically pulled down their sweatshirt sleeves. "It's nothing, Dot. Can you just use the syrup so I can?"

"No, not until you tell me what that was! I wanna know." Dot pouted and pushed the syrup to the furthest end of the table so Wakko couldn't easily reach. "You don't, can you _please_ just use the syrup?" They lazily tried to grab for the syrup, and Dot didn't even try to stop them. "Wakko, what is it? It can't be that bad, just tell me and you can get the syrup. I promise!" She batted her eyes at her sibling, trying to win them over, but they just gave her a pleading look. "Dot, just please give me the syrup." She sighed. It was obvious Wakko wasn't going to give in, and she felt bad she was keeping them from eating when they really hadn't been, so she quickly hatched a plan that would work for both of them.

"Alright, Waks. Sorry for hogging the syrup." Dot grabbed the container from the end of the table and handed it to Wakko. When they reached out to take it, she lunged forward and grabbed their wrist. Wakko's reaction was immediate- they cringed, and a grimace quickly formed on their face. The syrup bottle fell onto the table as they let out a hiss of pain. " _Dot! Ow_!" Dot quickly switched her grip to their sweatshirt sleeve instead of their skin, a look of concern on her face. "What's going on?" She asked Wakko, shaking their arm in their face. "Dot, please-" Wakko started to plead, but Dot cut them off by tightening her grip on their wrist a tad. "Wakko, what's going on? I want to help you, if you hurt we can take you to a doctor!"

"N-no, I don't hurt, Dot!" Wakko had tears starting to form in their eyes, and while Dot felt bad, she also wanted to make sure her sibling was okay. "I don't believe you, Wakko!" She stated before quickly deciding to pull down the sleeve of Wakko's sweatshirt. She stared, shocked, and Wakko pulled their arm away as soon as her grip went slack from the distraction.

"Wakko, I-"

"Why the hell would you do that!?" Wakko shouted, tears falling freely from their eyes. "Why would you do that, I said I didn't want you to look and you did anyway! You're so _nosy_!"

"I-"

"You shouldn't look, Dot! I said no and you looked!" They were sobbing, and Dot felt guilt crash through her. She didn't mean to find _that,_ she thought they had paint or doodles on their arm. She knew they liked to draw flowers and clouds on their skin sometimes, so she thought it was something like that, not- not rows of _cuts_. Oh gods, there were so many cuts on Wakko's arm and they had been hiding them the whole time! "Wakko, I'm so, so sorry! I'm so sorry for not respecting your boundaries!" Dot exclaimed, looking away from her sibling in shame. "I thought you were doodling again, I'm so, _so_ sorry, Wakko. I won't ever do it again, I promise." She glanced at Wakko from the corner of her eye, seeing them wipe at their nose.

"Just please don't tell Yakko."

They spoke in such a soft, broken voice that Dot had never heard her sibling use. The guilt came rushing back and she frantically nodded her head. "I won't tell him, I promise. But please tell me when you're feeling bad, okay? I may be younger but I'm still your sister, and that means I'm here for you. So please just try to let me know?" She turned to look at Wakko, a soft smile pulling at her lips as she saw her sibling give her a nod, a tiny smile on their face as well.

"I'll try my best, I promise too."

After a few more apologies and promises on Dot's part, the pair ate their pancakes in content silence.

\---

Yakko knew Dot was in on some sort of secret with Wakko. They weren't subtle and he was observant, a terrible mix when it came to trying to hide something. Dot would share pointed looks with Wakko, and Wakko would frown back. It had been like this for a few weeks, and Yakko didn't want to press them both about it, but if it kept up he might just have to. That moment came a few days later when Dot excused herself from the couch one afternoon, claiming she wanted to go for a walk around the lot. She left with a _very_ stern look on her face that was most definitely directed towards Wakko, and the latter just stared right back with furrowed brows and a pout. Dot rolled her eyes before closing the water tower door. Yakko looked at Wakko, who was seated on the opposite end of the couch.

"What's that about?"

Wakko turned to look at him, still pouting. "I dunno. She's been weird lately."

"Has she?"

Wakko nodded. "She's been bugging me a lot and has just been overbearing a little bit." Yakko had noticed this too. Their younger sister had been constantly hovering around Wakko, or asking where they were if Wakko wasn't out with Yakko. "Do you have any clue why she's been like that?"

Wakko looked down at their lap. Their paws were covered with their sweater and they had a frown on their face. "I do." was their response.

"Yeah?" He asked. Wakko nodded. "Wanna tell me?"

His younger sibling sighed, and Yakko watched as they fidgeted around. He waited patiently for them, he knew they'd talk when or if they were ready to. It took a few minutes of silence, with a few noisy breaths from Wakko before they spoke. "I'm very sorry, big brother."

"What for, little sib?" He used a gentle tone, letting Wakko know he was willing to listen without being obnoxious or distracting about it.

"I'm sorry because I don't feel like I'm a good enough sibling for you and Dot. I'm sorry for hanging out in the bedroom so much, too, I just can't get myself out of bed sometimes. It's really difficult to."

"Wakko, that's perfectly okay, I-"

"I'm also very sorry for self harming."

Yakko's heart dropped. Wakko was hurting themself? How had he not picked up on that? He knew all the signs, but it must've just slipped past his radar with how Wakko presented themself. He felt terrible.

"I'm sorry for disappointing you." Wakko quickly looked up at Yakko, and then back down to their sweater paws. Yakko got off the couch and walked straight over to Wakko, leaning forward to give them a hug. He slowly kneeled as they hugged, and he felt Wakko start to cry. "Wakko, you'll never be a disappointment, I promise. Okay?" Yakko whispered, giving them a squeeze. Wakko nodded, and Yakko slowly pulled away. He still held them in his arms, and he gave them a small smile.

"You're so brave for coming to me and telling me, Wakster. I'm so proud of you for that. And for all of what you said, little sib, don't ever feel sorry about it. Low days come, but they'll pass. And you may not be able to get out of bed every day, or have to energy to come hang out with Dot and I, but that is _nothing_ to be sorry for. Okay?"

Wakko nodded. Yakko hugged them again. "And don't feel sorry for self harming, alright? It happens sometimes, whether we like it or not. It's a hard habit to break, too, but I'll be here for you whenever you need. I know Dot will be, too."

Wakko let out a little sob, and they squeezed Yakko into a tighter hug. "Thank you, Yakko. I really appreciate it, big brother."

"Of course, Wakko. It's my job to keep you safe and happy, and that'll never change."

The two siblings were huddled together on the couch and watched cartoons until Dot came back. She immediately joined their cuddle pile and the two quickly let her. They stayed like that all evening, snuggled together as they enjoyed each other's company.

\---

Wakko felt loved.

It had been about a month since they'd come clean to Dot and Yakko, and the two made sure to check up on them whenever they were getting distant. It was never overbearing, it was more like they were just making sure they were doing okay rather than trying to fix their feelings. And Wakko really, really appreciated that.

They'd been clean for three weeks, too. That was what they were personally the most happy about. They hadn't relapsed since they told Yakko about it, and they had even gotten rid of the blade under their pillow. Dot sometimes asked if she could do a wrist check, and they let her. She was happy with Wakko's progress as well, and Yakko was too.

They really did feel loved. It got bad sometimes, and a little too overwhelming for Wakko to handle, but now they had their siblings by their side, and like Yakko said, the low days come, but they will pass.


End file.
